...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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