i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I believe in your delicious
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
