I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
