Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
