How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
