the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
