he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
