I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
