we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
