through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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