Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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