he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
