Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
