3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
