This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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