what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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