I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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