Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
