Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
soo... how was my night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
