I'm jealous of your bromance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
