It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
