so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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