the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
