Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
