I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
