I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am one with the molecules
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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