so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
