Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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