i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
