I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
