I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
