I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
