he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
