I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Found the puke drawer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
