the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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