He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
