I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
