I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
