So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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