I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
