Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
