They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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