highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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