I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
