; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
