I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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