are you so shy because you have an std?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
