You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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