Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
