I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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