GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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