Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
