Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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