he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
